8/27/2018-9/9/2018

The experiences I had on nights were very different than the one I am having at my program. Most of been pretty low key.

This one I did my first LP and got yelled at by a mom asking when can her daughter be an emergency.

So both better and worse.

They way our nights work is we do a switching schedule so one week on the floor during days and one on nights for a month. It is not easy to do and my sleep schedule is a disaster as I still continue to sleep past 12PM this week so pray for me as I go back into days and have to show up at 6:30AM.

Nothing makes your impostor syndrome worse than the floors. At least in nursery there are only so many baby problems that happen until baby moves to the NICU. On the floor the spread of pathology is so wide and you need to know what you’re doing to keep up. I am very worried about my lack of ability and I feel even more behind because the other two interns I am on with have already done a floor or nights rotation. So I am the most useless.

Impostor syndrome never goes away.

But I’m having a lot interesting experiences. More does happen on nights, I get to do more and make more decisions (a terrifying thing, by the way. What was 18 year old thinking when she needed to be the boss of everything) but thats a catch 22.

Oh, I also did my first morning report this week, which went fine but the nerves lead to me reading syncope wrong (sin coop) and embarrass myself in front of our neuro attending the day after I did a pretty good presentation to him so all the good was forgotten and I am now dumb again. So it goes.

I hope this week I can get more detailed thoughts, I usually write a one liner about the day in the planner but I have no control over my life and this is how it is now.

4 thoughts on “8/27/2018-9/9/2018

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  1. By reading your post i assumed that you are feeling upset why don’t you try some yoga or meditation. Try to calm down. Try to get some sleep. Are you having sleeping problems? Try camomile tea it is helpful. Relax. Being a doctor is not easy but everything will be alright 🙂 Relax

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    1. Hey, thanks for the support and the concern. I wouldn’t say upset is the word, more just a little burnt and angsty from lack of sleep. And unfortunately my sleeping problem is being a doctor. The hours I work, especially during nights, is just barely enough to be considered alright and that’s if you leave on time, all work completed. Which is…rare. It’s the nature of the beast. But I really appreciate the concern!

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